Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Night.






At the night when I was totally broke down. A broken that drive me crying along the way that I drove the car without peace of mind - the night that was just HIM and me. So close. Too close.

Walk in the road that you never imagine to be placed; its hard. Walking in the cloud day, putting the smile on your lips can bring the joy to your heart; wash away the ash colored. 

The day I have to take walk in that road, I realize that was the flow, that He was destiny for me; Alhamdulillah. I walk that road. But I forgot the provision that I must prepare for the journey. And that's why I am here, crying all the night in the car without destination.

Living the day been realized that it was full of empty, it's hurt the soul. And the day getting hard when the body failed to full that empty. I lost my track. I lost my soul. Tears start to flow out - and I miss the day when I sit complaining to Him; how life being hard to me, how bad I am when I keep blaming people for how hurt I am, while I know that was a Test for me - to be a better person.

The nights throw me off that just can only make me say Alhamdulillah. Thank you Rabb, for the day - that I will paints to be a moment. A moment that will bring a soul when I about numb to give up.

Walking in the road that you never choose nor imagined it, you have to carry a basket of hope that sometimes be the inspiration; somehow be a burden, you must learn to carry the responsible, you have to engaged with people that sometimes can give you a misunderstanding situation, you have to wake up everyday told yourself to be positive, you have to chew all the spread word that crush your heart and bring you down. It's not easy; no to difficult too - when self know HE always there. As HE never promised that life would be easy; but HE will be always for us, accompany our journey.

If you wish to smile all the day, you will never know how kind the sadness - that when it comes to you, you will never appreciate it as you warmly welcomed the smile. Life will haunted you with tears, smile, laugh, break down, give up - to make you stand up go through your journey. To be a meaningful one - for HIM, mom and dad, spouse, siblings, and Ummah.

Those who rest not their hope on their meeting with Us but are pleased and satisfied with the life of the present and those who heed not Our Signs. [10:7]


191014
©Dazz



Saturday, October 11, 2014

Hidup Sebelum Adanya Kehidupan







Ada perkara yang kita tak mahu terjadi tetapi harus menerima. Ada perkara yang kita tak mahu tahu tetapi harus belajar. Dan ada perkara yang kita tak mampu kehilangan tetapi harus melepaskan.




“You should spend your time.”

Kening belah kanan spontan terangkat seinci. “Huh?”

Tudung yang siap dililit dipin kemas. “Enjoy your life.” Wedges dirak kasut ditarik keluar. “Tak ke mana pun kalau nak hadap kerja tu je.”

Kening yang terangkat perlahan turun; kembali terletak di tempat asalnya. Buku ditangan direnung sejenak. Memaku akal mencerna bait bicara yang menghantar bingung dibenak.

“Apa yang tak kena?” Bibir lancang memuntahkan kata tanpa sempat akal menegah sabar.

Tangan yang tengah menyarungkan wedges ke kaki terhenti. Badan kembali tegak.  Kepala dikalih tepat ke susuk tubuh yang setia menanti dengan pandangan yang kosong. ‘Bingung mungkin?’

“You don’t have a life.”

“What do you mean by ‘no life’?”

“Yeah, you kerja, balik masak, reading, writing, the same routine..tak boring eh?” Bahu terjungkit bersama lontaran kata yang terlontar tanpa ada rasa salah. Sinis.

“..And that’s how I live my life.” Tenang.

“Pardon me?” Mata dijegil luas.

“You heard me.” Datar.

“Come on lah Ed..you make me sick!” Tubuh dipeluk silang dengan kedua-dua belah tangan.

“Then what do you expect from me?” Kening mula bertaut. Nada suara ditekan. Serius.

“Enjoy. Hangout. Shopping.” Bibir yang perlahan mengoyak senyum memeta emosi empunya badan. “..ermm before that, I suggest you to spend your time using the whatsapp, instagram, or facebook coz it will help you making a friends.

Dada buku yang separuh terbahagi ditutup perlahan.“Zaman tu dah berlalu Qis..” Bibir mengoyak senyuman. “..sekarang ni bukan lagi zaman remaja yang keluar ayat ikut sedap rasa, yang buat gila demi layan stress, yang faham hubungan tu macam pilih baju kat shopping mall. Sekarang ni zaman kematangan. Yang terbatas dek dinding pemisah yang menjadikan lelaki dan perempuan itu sebenarnya lawan. Ada tanggungjawab yang tergalas menuntut sabar dalam menggali ilmu; belajar menjadi anak yang baik, belajar menjadi isteri yang memaknakan, belajar menjadi ibu yang meneladani, belajar menjadi jiran yang menyenangkan, belajar menjadi hamba yang sentiasa menagih redha dan rahmat NYA.”

Nafas dihela berat. Dada yang ketat perlahan bernafas.

“Ada benda yang boleh ikut gelak; tapi berpada. Sampai masa diri kena adjust; jadi matang. Nak ubah diri tak mudah. Semua orang ada cita-cita, impikan pasangan yang baik soleh dan solehah, angankan anak-anak yang berpekerti, bijak, dan soleh. Nak bina keluarga yang penuh indah bak lukisan yang dilakar tangan sendiri. Tak mustahil. Tapi agak impossible untuk sebuah cita cita menjadi kenyataan saat tangan hanya diriba menanti mentari tenggelam diufuk barat dengan harapan.”

Wajah yang tertunduk menekur lantai dikalih pandang.

“Macam mana seorang ibu mengharapkan anak yang rajin mengaji sedangkan si ibu sendiri jarang jarang kedengaran lantunannya? Adakah salah sang anak bila dirotan kerana meninggalkan solat sedang sang ayah rukuk dan sujudnya jarang benar kelihatan?”

Tubuh yang kaku diarak mendung dalam benak yang bercampur gaul dirapati.

“Qis..tak salah sesekali nak luang masa buat apa yang kita suka. Tapi tetap kena letakkan noktah.”

“Ed…”

Bahu yang turun naik menahan tangis diusap lembut. “Kalau kita tak sanggup berkorban hari ini, tak mungkin hasil tuaian kita akan tumbuh subur dan mekar. Hidup sebelum adanya kehidupan ibarat sang petani yang membanting keringat menggali, belajar, untuk menjadikan tanah yang gersang itu gembur dan subur agar akar yang ditanam tumbuh dan membesar; tak goyah ditiup angin dan tak terkulai layu saat dihinggap ujian penyakit.”

“I’m sorry..”

Angguk. Senyum. “Kita kena belajar menjadi matang untuk menggerakkan jasad dan anggota mencari. Belajar mengendali sebelum mengemudi. Untuk hidup sebelum adanya kehidupan.”

“Thanks Ed..”

“Your welcome.”


Learned to be matured behind what you lost. Allah didn’t rid-of without replace it with a better surrogate.






©Dazz

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Pursuing For The Future






Beginning.

Catching in the middle of the traffic, for second I realize to spent considering how the world could be different in five or ten years, is like as opposed to worrying about winning in the last stand of journey or how to respond towards the King of our Creator.

Sitting the day doing all the business, I lift my gaze out of the rut and consider what’s out there on the horizon; have I been spent on my external rather than internal? What a percentage of my improvement efforts (quality time-based, cycle routine reduction, etc.) to be presented on Him on the Day of Judgment? Do I devote more benefits for others or just prolonging my property?

For the time being, yet it’s not about the car you used, the house you bought, the children that you have; it’s about how we understand and capable to live the world in the right track.


A failure is not always a mistake; the real mistake is to stop trying.



Balance between hope and anxiety.

Life depends upon the quality of your thoughts; negative that nearer you with the broken-down emotions and positive that drive you far strong, enough to break the border of your ability.

Walking the day, we have been separate between the gap of hope and anxiety; resulting who we are right now. Balancing between the hope and anxiety will help self to be in the right track; as hope will light the day in charging the positive mind and anxiety will lose your ability to change and move forward.

In balancing the hope and anxiety, you must not afraid to be fall. Hope didn’t always come true as what you wish; as your anxiety sometimes didn’t overcast you but come-up to teach what is life. So, do balance the hope and anxiety to be on their right place, as they don’t take you off whereas they were a right teacher to lean on.

If you fall, do get up and walk again. If you hurt, do smile and rub the wound. If you feel the world didn’t belongs to you, ask yourself to be thankful for every moment of happiness that comes in your way.

Change your thoughts; then your world will be changed.



Strangers.

Sipping the coffee in the corner of the street, the step doesn’t sound similar. People come and go; differ. For the first time being in the new land, I get used on the word of stranger. A lot of story to be learn. A part of way to makes a changed.

Stranger. It happen when unknown people come knock your life, mark the footprint, say a few things, and suddenly gone. Leave you in confusion and sometime leave the scar that unexplained. Trying to avoid the stranger still never can complete your day, either avoid your pain or wound your scar. It will happen. Indeed, it will always live coz I am your stranger, and you are my stranger. Till you and I live the life, here the stranger still there.

I sip this bitter coffee thoroughly, so that I hope it will be heal with a little sugar later. As I began to hope, I start to believe. Believe the stranger; is a part of me. They didn’t come to knock my life because they want, but because HE is regulated.

Now, a story name ‘Stranger’ become a guider in my journey. It uses me to paint a smile in tears, wipe the longing with the memory, and teach me how to dance in heavy rain.

For the dark side color of the stranger, take the color pencils (dua’a, tolerance, etc.) and varnish it gently (advise, counsel) till it stained. And for the rest leave it to Him. We can’t change people, but we do can change our self. Take the deficiency to be an advantage. And for the time that a stranger didn’t come to be meaningful to you, they would leave soon; mark the footprint to be lesson.


You cannot stop walking just because people don’t like you.




Full stop.

Learn to write, there are parts where you have put a full stop. Moving your day, you should know when to put a full stop. Coz it teaches you about the limit; how far you can go and when you need to stop.

In every your steps, words, thinking, and behave mind to put the full stop in the right place. Even it can't bail you from doing mistakes; at least it will prevent you from broken when you’re bend.


To the world you might be one person; but to one person you might be the world.







©Dazz